Thursday, May 26, 2011

26 May 2011

Photo challenge Day 5 "A photo of your favourite memory"

That's easy, all we have of Lily now are our love and memories so I could choose any photo with her in it and call it a photo of my fave memory, but I chose this one particularly because holding my baby girl, skin to skin, for her whole life... while she gave us the gift of herself, before quietly slipping away... The hardest thing I have ever had to go through, and yet, my favourite memory all of the same few minutes!

Been missing my lovely Lily a lot today... Not in a sad, mourning sort of way, just a longing and an ache to see her again, to hold her again. Missing her as a person in a way rather than just my baby... does that make sense? I don't know, not even sure it makes sense to me! But over the last few months I have not only mourned my daughter as a person, but also my hopes and dreams for her life, and our life... the loss of all the things involved with being a mum at the moment when I should be, the loss of everything I miss out on, but today I miss her, whether she was mine or not, I miss her for her, not for who she was and is to me... wow not sure if that made any sense at all! Words just some times (often it seems) fail to be able to describe a feeling or a thought, even when you combine many, many words together they fall so short!

But like I said, not sad, just missing and longing... and yes that is sad, but I am not feeling sad...

Was a good day today though, went and had lunch with the always wonderful Kim, got cuddles with kiddies (not the ones living in my house) and then had a great evening watching "The Little Mermaid" with my husband and the kids... lots of laughs! hahaha

The positive thing from today...
~*~ Driving through an EXTREMELY deep "puddle"! Thank you rain! I love driving through puddles, this was more like a swimming pool and I wasn't sure I was going to make it through! Tried to go through it again when I had picked the kids up from school but it was gone by then, people must have fixed it! :( ~*~

And I am thankful for...
~*~ Kim :D wonderful and just so easy to hang out with! Will miss this when we are both back at work! (we can just sneak off for lunch dates right?) ~*~ 

Sarah. :)