Monday, June 27, 2011

27 June 2011

The photo is the one of the very first photos we have of Lily... from when she looked almost like a tadpole! Hahaha was cute even then! 

Today kind of feels like a real mess. Nothing really happened today... I am just mentally exhausted I think... most the day I was fine but there were a few times that I just wanted to break down in tears... nothing would even need to have happened, I just wanted to cry... I guess it was just one of those days... it isn't like I was upset about anything, I wasn't upset over Lily, I wasn't thinking about losing her or anything that would explain it, was just emotional. The grief counselor we spoke to talked about the amount of things you can cope with used to be like this much <---------------------> but now is only this much <-----> and it doesn't have to seem related or even relevant, it is just how it is at the moment. And I guess there is a new "limit", at least for now, and I am still learning it. But tomorrow is another day... and I am sure it will be a better one... after some sleep and rest. Early to bed maybe.

As a side note, above, instead of writing "thinking about losing her" I almost wrote "thinking about everything I lost" but I can't think of it like that, I DON'T think of it like that, because while I lost a lot when I lost Lily, I really gained much, MUCH more when I had her! It totally overpowers anything I lost!

Ok so a blah day, but one positive of the day was...
~*~ Coming home to a house that was reasonably clean after my darling hubby worked on it ~*~

And I am thankful for...
~*~ My mother in law and sister in law - thanks for looking after the kids while Luke was out and I had a staff meeting! You're awesome! ~*~