Friday, June 10, 2011

10 June 2011

First up an explanation of the photo... I was watching Dancing on Ice (or something like that) and thought I could SOOO do that!!! ANd here is proof! Don't I look like a professional Ice Skater or something? AGREE WITH ME!!! hahaha The photo was taken in 2006 when Luke and I went up to Auckland to the Ice Skating rink... and we had it ALL to ourselves!! Was great fun, and even better when no one else is there to laugh at you when you fall over! Not that I fell over or anything!! (please excuse the exposed belly! This was when I was skinny and wasn't as conscious of it!)

Anyway... today has been good. Suck about the miserable weather! I have literally had a very lazy day. I wish I had had more energy or motivation! But I suppose with the weather we had, more energy wouldn't have been a lot of use! So yes, a day of knitting! 

I wanted to go out to Lily's grave but didn't because of the rain... didn't have a specific reason to go, just felt like I wanted to, like I tried to explain in an earlier post, I find that Lily's grave is a restful place and somewhere to relax believe it or not... Why did I seek a place to rest? No particular reason, just exhausted today... I will blame partly the time of month for me, it does make me more tired and emotional so that combined with rough sleeps the last few nights might explain the feeling. I'm not sad, I'm not down... It just is...

One thing I have struggled with this week as you have seen if you read my previous posts, is other people getting pregnant now, and I think I may have kind of figured out the feeling... now it may not be 'right' and it might not make any sense... but if I have learned one thing over the past few months it is that feelings are feelings, they cannot always be explained, or rationalised and you can't reason with them... they just are... and the feelings around others getting pregnant... it kind of feels like I have had my turn and I failed so now it is other peoples turns... I think that is why it is hard, and I think that is why it hurts more that someone just got pregnant now, then it does that people were pregnant before I had Lily, even though they have babies now, their turn was the same as mine, it is this next round of people getting pregnant that hurts more, because my turn has been and gone... that is the thought behind some of the feelings anyway... it doesn't have to make sense or be rational... that is how feelings are sometimes...

So I am back on the roster at work... that kind of makes it very official that I am going back, and makes it feel very close! I only have 1 more week in this life of extreme excitement... (its not very exciting at all!)... I am looking forward to going back, but a tiny bit anxious too... and I don't think that will go away until I am back... 

I am thankful for...
~*~ The chocolate sundae Luke brought home when he finished work (9pm-ish)... a good way to end the day ~*~

The positive thing for the day...
~*~ It's Friday... that means tomorrow is Saturday and tomorrow night we have someone (either Luke's sister or his mum) coming to look after the kiddies while we go and catch up with some friends! Yay! ~*~

oh and I officially became a fully registered teacher today too... yay! what does that mean? Not a lot really... but it is done :)


Sarah. :)