Tuesday, June 14, 2011

14 June 2011

The photo on the left is what 1.24kg of Reese's Pieces looks like... :D YUM!

Todays revalation - I FEEL good... I actually feel good. Now when people say to me "You're looking good" I don't wonder how on earth someone could say that because inside I didn't feel good, inside I felt like total rubbish, but people were kind. But while I don't know what I look like to other people, I realised today that I feel good, mentally, emotionally, physically. And that is a nice feeling, a good feeling. Sure there are still moments that are rough, but that is life in general isn't it? There are always the "bad hair days" (both physically and emotionally) even when life is going smoothly. So yeah, I feel good. :)

On his blog Luke posted the following:
What if, two years ago, someone told us the following:
- It will take you a year to get pregnant
- Your first child will be a little girl
- Early on you will find out she has life threatening complications but there is some hope that the doctors can do something once she is born
- She will choose her own name, and show her personality in scans
- One week before she is born you will be told there is nothing they can do
- You will get less than 10 minutes with her before she will die in your arms
- You will help organise the funeral in less than one and a half days
- Two months later, you will be looking after a 7 year old and 9 year old that you have never met before.

Luke continues "There is no way I would have thought any person could survive it. Even thinking about it now, it still doesn't really make sense to me. It's just too much, but somehow we did make it through..." and while I was reading it I thought, that sounds like quite a rough few months to have... but even if I had been told that before any of it, I would have still done it. The 8 months she grew in me, the 10 minutes I held her before she passed, they are time I wouldn't give up even if I had had warning before any of it... 

We have been on a wild ride, one I hope no one ever has to go on, but we have come out of it with a beautiful gift! Lily really was a special gift for us. And personally I have also learnt many things along the way for example... people care, majority of people REALLY care, people want to help and given the opportunity, people want to be able to support you. I have learnt that some people have had to go through similar situations without the support we have been shown and I don't know how they did it. I learnt that some thing as simple as being honest and open helps others and has helped people heal some from similar situations in their past. 

I am not saying our journey is over... our journey is still only just beginning, it will never end... but the hardest parts are behind us, now our days are full of ups, we can look forward while confidently knowing that we carry our first born with us through our lives. She will never EVER be replaced, but we will (all going well) have other children. Our family will continue to grow, Lily will always be a part of it, we don't leave her behind, she comes forward with us!

So today I am also stealing my thankfulness for the day from Luke... I am thankful for... 
~*~ Strength I never knew I had ~*~

And the positive of the day...
~*~ purchasing a 1.24kg bag of Reese's Pieces. YUM YUM YUM!!! ~*~