Saturday, June 25, 2011

25 June 2011

Today was crazy! Good crazy, just busy. Had Jungle Rumble on today... a free kids event we put on at church that runs 10-2. It went really well, just very tired now!

On another note... a lot of things changed when we had Lily, and most of it was good, but there are some things that changed or happened that wasn't/isn't so good, but they seem to me, completely unrelated! Such as the anxiety and panic attacks I experienced... thankfully I haven't had any of that for awhile now but today i realised something else that has changed that I hope changes back... I don't really know how to explain it properly but it is like very little seems important any more... or maybe I just don't have the same motivation I used to have... I'm not sure...


There are still things that are extremely important to me... yeah I think it is better explained as a lack of motivation for things... I used to love being involved in lots of things and loved being part of the organising things... but now, it is almost like I couldn't care less... I don't think it is as bad or as serious as it might sound... I am just struggling to be excited,or even keen to be involved in the things I was involved in... maybe it is just because I am out of habit, I haven't been involved in the kids programme at church all year (other than events like this). Maybe once I actually get back into it and am fully involved again I might feel differently... I hope it changes, because I know I enjoy being involved in things...

Don't get me wrong, it is not like I am unhappy, or that I sit at home all lonely or sulking at all... it just takes more work to be involved, like forcing myself to instead of jumping at the chance... one thing that hasn't changed is my love and passion for kids and wanting to work with them in many different contexts and ways and helping out where ever I can when I can... and also my desire to help people in any way I can. It is a strange feeling to know that you can be changed in ways you don't think about... but to me, I figure if I can recognise it, I can do something about it... I can work on getting involved even if I am not naturally motivated to do so...


Anyway, today I am thankful for...
~*~ Wonderfully behaved children! F and J were fantastically behaved today and even helped during the 2 hour cleanup! I am thankful for that! ~*~


and the positive of the day...
~*~ A fantastic Jungle Rumble, what an amazing team to be a part of! ~*~


Sarah.