Thursday, April 7, 2011

Thursday 7 April 2011

Yay for people is all I can say! Yay for coffee dates, and lunch dates, and pretty much anything dates! They break up these days of sitting at home... they make the days easier too :) So thank you ladies!

Am I a mum? Some people say yes, some people say no... and in the end it is how I feel that will matter, but right now, I don't feel like a mum! My baby girl came and went before I could do anything 'motherly'. I never got to feed her, I never got to soothe her when she cried, or 'fix' her hurts... I never saw her smile and I never will... but, I still have a daughter! Maybe not one I will ever again hold, but she is still my daughter and I love her beyond measure! Am I a mum? There is a children's book that I can't remember the name of but it has always made me feel like crying when I read it, in it it says, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be", and that is true of Lily, so am I now and for always, a mum? Or am I not because I don't have a child to care for, I don't have anyone to call me mum, my baby is being raised by Angels... so am I a mum?

I shouldn't have even met her yet! She should still be booting around inside me making things very uncomfortable! But I would have been thankful for it! I wouldn't have complained (mostly). I would have carried her WEEKS over her due date without complaining! I should be 39 weeks pregnant! I should be preparing to give birth and bring my baby home in a week (or more!)... I should not have had to say goodbye to her already! NO parent should have to say goodbye to their baby! Yes I know this happens, I know other people have been through it too... but no one should have to!

Today I am thankful for...
~*~ My baby girl, no matter the pain I am feeling, I am still thankful for the time I did have with her, for all she brought to our lives! Yes this hurts, but I don't regret it! ~*~

And then a positive for today...
~*~ Eating crispy m&ms... I like them ~*~

Sarah. x