Wednesday, April 13, 2011

13 April 2011

The photo is just a couple of my favourite newborn sized outfits that Lily should be wearing now (trust me there is A LOT more!)...

When I got pregnant, one of my plans was that after I had my baby I would start walking... as in go for a walk each day... so I have started doing this and have gone for a walk each day... a couple of times I have managed to drag Luke along with me but mostly I take my ipod and go by myself... like the good girl I am (yeah right!) Anyway, that is not the point... today I went for my walk and everywhere I looked there was someone else walking and 90% of the time they were pushing a push chair and it just felt like the world was trying to remind me of the fact that I was missing a very important walking accessory... just incase I had forgotten! Well trust me world... I haven't forgotten that I am missing a big piece of myself, I haven't forgotten that I can't show my baby the beauty of this world, I haven't forgotten that I can no longer hold her in my arms and sing to her, or even feed her. Trust me, I haven't forgotten!

Maybe it was the time of day I went for a walk, or the fact that it was twice as long as my walks normally are (70mins mostly uphill = sore feet!), but every mum in Silverdale and their baby/toddler was out today!

I guess there are always going to be times when it feels like the world throws it all back in your face just incase you dare to forget... I don't hate other mothers, I don't, but I am jealous of them, I do envy them! I don't send bad thoughts their way, I don't even wish they knew what I was feeling, I hope they never know, and they never experience it, I just hope they know how lucky they are (most parents do) and that they love their children with even just a portion of the love that Lily is loved. Hopefully one day I will have all these things with another baby, but I will never have it with Lily, that is what hurts! Lily can never be replaced! She will always be our first born and a special, unique person, no future baby will ever be able to take her place.

So today I am thankful for...
~*~ People who work in cafes and make good hot chocolates! ~*~

And my positive thing for today...
~*~ My spontaneous cafe date with Jayne and Vikki and their lovely kiddies :D I love spending time with you guys! ~*~

Sarah :)