Sunday, April 10, 2011
10 April 2011
Today I had lunch with my mummy and Jen... I love them so much! Such amazing women! It was great to sit down and talk about Lily and how she was so loved... she really is one lucky little girl! She has so many people that love her even now when she is not with us... she is special to a lot of people. It is sad to think that some children never get to see even a small portion of that love through their whole lives, and yet Lily had a short life but was so surrounded by love!
Ok today I have some advice that I hope no one ever needs... but just in case I want to give it... if you are ever find that you know someone who loses their baby (or are in the situation yourself) then know that what you are told happens, does not necessarily mean that is what HAS to happen, ask questions and fight, what matters is what you want, not what is easiest for them! We were told by the funeral person who came to the hospital that because she was too small to embalm, we had to hand Lily over to him, he would take her to the funeral home and put her in a casket and close it, there was nothing they could do and she would deteriorate quickly... we could then take the closed casket home if we wished... but we wanted to take our little girl home, and were even willing to just take her home and close the casket at home, but he was not willing to do so (WHO would even attempt to take a baby from her mothers arms... I would dare him to try... he wasn't getting her). In the end thankfully our mums were there and fought for us, and you know what, there was something they could do... in the end the guy we met decided that he would take Lily to the funeral home, we could meet him there and talk to the senior embalmer... (again, try to take my baby... I dare you...). We agreed to meet with the embalmer but we would take Lily with us... Note now... YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TRANSPORT YOUR BABY YOURSELF! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO WHAT THEY THINK IS BEST! And so we left the hospital with our baby girl and met him at the funeral home where we saw the senior embalmer who redeemed the funeral home (we were NOT happy with the person we had been dealing with)! She gave us two options - #1 we could take Lily home and we would have to put her in her casket and close the lid that evening (which was ALL we were asking for in the first place!) or #2 we could leave Lily with her over night, she would do a couple of things (something about chilling her) and we could pick her up the next morning and we should be able to have her in an open casket ALL of the next day and all going well through the night and into the next day.
One of the hardest things I have had to do was leave my baby girl there... harder than you can imagine! Just hours after giving birth to her, although it was only her body by then, it was hard to leave her... but that is what we did, and it meant that we picked her up at 9.30 the next morning and took her home where she was able to be in an open casket ALL DAY, through the night and we closed it just before leaving for the funeral... my point again is, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THINGS THEIR WAY! If you know someone in a similar situation, try to make sure they know that they can do things differently if they want to, and try to make sure there is someone with them to fight for them if they want/need it, without our mums being there to do it, I think I would have just ended up walking out with my baby girl and nothing would have been solved.
Today I am thankful for...
~*~ Our parents, between us we have 6 parents and each and every one is AMAZING! We are extremely lucky and blessed to have such awesome parents! ~*~
~*~ My husband (man I have an awesome family!). He is an incredible strength for me, even in this time of his own pain. ~*~
And my positive for the day...
~*~ Having lunch with mum and Jen :) I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life! ~*~
P.S. Someone recommended getting a massage to try and help get rid of this very insistent headache... so anyone know anywhere/anyone good?