Saturday, April 23, 2011

23 April 2011

Well today for some absolutely ridiculous reason, I managed to work myself up into such a panicked/anxious state that I couldn't go to the Warehouse by myself... what a stupid feeling! I had to go to the Warehouse and at the thought I for some reason became almost nervous (so hard to describe these feelings sometimes!), but like I kept saying, one foot in front of the other right? So I put on my shoes and walked out the door to the car, but by the time I had left the drive way there was just no way I was going to the Warehouse... this is stupid and unreasonable and I have had enough of feeling this way! It cannot be normal! Its the sort of feeling (but much more intense) that I get when I am being assessed or watched, or when I sat exams...

So its been a bit of an intense day feeling wise... after I drove back in my drive and came inside the main feeling became frustration at these ridiculous and unnecessary feelings!

Well after writing that I finished the day on a good note... went to my Dads for dinner :) Yum!

But ultimately today, I just want to hold my baby and tell her she's beautiful and try to explain to her just how much I love her! Instead I smile at the same time as tears run down my face, because something that makes me so extremely happy, also makes me so extremely sad... my baby girl brought great joy to my life! I loved the time I got to spend with her and getting to know her. But having to say goodbye to her is the greatest pain I have ever felt. But I will say it again, it was worth it, and I wouldn't do it any differently, she was worth everything!

Today I am thankful for...
~*~ Having a home to hide away in when I want/need to! ~*~

And my positive for the day... I have 2...
~*~ Dinner at dads ~*~
~*~ A beautiful piece that my mum wrote about Lily... made me cry but it's lovely! Maybe she will let me share it with you later... ~*~

Sarah.