Well it has been 3 weeks since Lily came and went... wonder why I am not over it yet? Because I lost not only a baby, but a toddler, a preschooler, a young child, a pre teen, a teenager, a young adult, an adult... I didn't just lose my baby! We lost a whole life, a life time of joy, challenges, events, laughter... an entire life went with Lily when she went to heaven...
But this pain only lasts for this lifetime, one day I will see my baby girl again, and she is whole, without pain, and she lived her whole life on earth surrounded by such extreme love... she knew nothing but love!
I am coming to learn that this pain will never go, it will always be around, you just learn how to cope with it... and the days are getting easier... sure there are still ups and downs, but I don't spend whole days crying, just small pockets of time, I still miss her beyond understanding, and we haven't forgotten her, rather we have learned to incorporate her into our every day lives already. We still talk about her, it is great to remind each other of what she gave us, and the time we did have with her, and how we got to know our beautiful baby before we had even seen her face. And having other people talk about her too... I have said it before and I will say it again, don't be afraid to talk with us about her! We love to talk about her, just like any parent loves to talk about their children! I love the quote in a book I am reading that says "I don't understand why everyone is so intent on me 'getting over' my child's death in a world where people want to clone their faithful pet"...
I love having Lily's photos up on our wall in the lounge and also on my phone, because every time I look at it, while there is always a hint of the sadness, I can't help but smile and remember the baby girl we got to know and the joy and laughter we had with her, and still have when we talk about her... such a big personality in a small body!
Today I am thankful for...
~*~ An amazing husband! He is an amazing man who I love very much! He is incredible and together we seem to make cute babies! ~*~
And a positive thing from today...
~*~ I finished my jigsaw puzzle! (now I need another one...) ~*~
Something I found online....
Dear Mr. Elephant,
It's been3 weeks now since your unexpected arrival, and we think you have overstayed your visit. You see, you take up quite a bit of space in the room. We're afraid you're making some of our friends feel...awkward. Some of them probably don't know what to say to us when you're making such a spectacle of yourself. So if you insist on staying around, you could at least be nice enough to let our friends know:
- It's OK to talk about the elephant. We know he's there too. In fact, if you pretend he's not there, it may make things even more awkward.
- We realize the sheer size of the elephant alone may cause people to say awkward things. We know, because we have been there at one time or another. If it comes out wrong, we promise to remember it's the thought that counts.
- Once the elephant is addressed, he tends to decrease in size exponentially, and everyone becomes more comfortable.
- We are still the same Sarah and Luke that we were before the elephant arrived. We just happen to have a third wheel now.
- We smile and laugh just like we did before the elephant arrived. Just sometimes with a tear in our eye.
- We still like to have fun and hang out with our friends. And we need your friendship, your encouragement, and opportunities for fellowship now more than ever. A good day with friends trumps a bad day with the elephant every time.
so, Mr. Elephant, we thank you for your cooperation in the matter. But if you continue to hang around much longer, we will have to start charging you rent.