Tuesday, April 12, 2011

12 April 2011 - Lily's due date


Well Lily's due date has now come and (almost) gone without being eventful... which is actually what we expected right from the beginning... except we presumed she would still be wiggling away inside me still... we never expected her to arrive on her due date, but we sure didn't expect her to be early! So today we took some flowers out to her grave and put them in a vase... ignoring the signs saying "no glass, ceramics... etc etc"... ops!

One thing I did realise today, Lily would be big enough now, or at least almost, to fit the clothes (well some of them) that we had bought for her... I'm sad that I never got to dress her in anything I had bought for her... sure she was dressed in a very cute little outfit to leave us, but I have so many pieces of clothing I want to dress her in... so many things she will never wear...

I wondered today whether she would have liked beads and jewels when she got a bit older... would she like getting her hands dirty? So many experiences, so many fun times I will never get to have with her... I will never sing to her, or with her as we travel in the car (like me and my mum used to), I'll never change her nappy (though she did manage to pee on me!). Yesterday we went to the Dr. Seuss exhibit at the museum... I like Dr. Seuss! And I will never get to read his books to Lily :( One of my favourite quotes is by Dr. Seuss at the moment, from Horton Hears a Who and it says "A person's a person, no matter how small"... I think the world sometimes forget that babies are people, and to loose one, is loosing a whole life! You're not loosing "just a baby"!

There is so much I will never get to know about Lily... well not never! I will see her again, and there will be an eternity to get to know her and to play and run and get messy (that might just be for me... I like messy play!). I look forward to it! My baby belongs in my arms... and one day she will be!

Another Dr. Seuss quote that I like at the moment (but it seems there is some dispute whether it is from Dr. Seuss or not...) is "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"... Yes I will continue to cry at times, but now, the smiles because it happened are out numbering the tears because its over... :)

Ok so today I am thankful for
~*~ A healthy body, well once all the healing finishes! ~*~

And my positive thing for today...
~*~ My coffee/cafe date with Michelle!
I am loving these cafe/coffee dates with people (who would believe it!), and they are actually really helping me at the moment... just so all of you who have given your time to have a coffee/hot chocolate/cake etc with me, know that i really appreciate it! ~*~

Sarah.