Sunday, April 17, 2011

17 April 2011

1 month... yip a whole month has gone since Lily slid into this world!

I wish I had held Lily more while I had her. I wish I could hold her again now. I wish I had kissed her more. I wish I could give her one more kiss... or even 100 more. I wish I could bath her again, dress her in a cute dress or something snuggly and warm.
I wish I had put her in her bassinet while she was at home, rather than a casket. Yes it was only her body, but her body was all we had.
I wish I could see her again, memorize her face, stroke her hair.

There are many things I wish I could do just once more... but I think no matter how many "once more"s I had, I would always want "one more". There would never be enough. There is never a good time to have to say goodbye to your child. So instead I am thankful for the time I DID have with Lily. She was born alive, I held her while she took breaths, together Luke and I welcomed her into the world (with shock!) and surrounded her with love and happiness while she experienced the world for the first and last times.

Today I realised how many pregnant people I know! Especially those due in the next couple of months! There are just so many! And my pain when I see them is no longer "I wish I was still pregnant", but is now "You are about to have what I should have" and also this fear for them... unfortunately now that we have been through loosing our baby girl, I know it happens, and so this fear has kind of come, that things could go wrong. Who know what I will be like if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again in the future!

Today I am stealing my thankfulness from Luke's page... I am thankful for...
~*~ Our church family! The support we have received these past few months and continue to receive from our church is amazing and I am extremely thankful for it! ~*~

My positive thing for today...
~*~ Seeing Jake Hamilton live at church! AWESOME! ~*~

I hope the week ahead for you all is fantastic!
Sarah.