Friday, April 15, 2011

15 April 2011

Today's blog may not make much sense (but then what is new?), I really don't know how to explain how I felt and how I feel... Todays feelings were to me completely shocking and unexpected (they mean the same thing don't they?)...

I went to visit work today and I was fine for about 30 seconds before I actually kind of wanted to run away and hide! Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job and can't imagine doing anything different! But these children were looking at me like they were expecting something, but I had no idea what they wanted, I didn't know what I could give them, I didn't know what to do with them! Physically my body got tense, my chest got tight and I had to remember to breath and force myself to move... Why is something that I have been doing 5 days a week for the last 2 years suddenly a cause for panic? How is it that I have completely forgotten how to do my job, how to even simply interact with the kids? I was prepared to go in and be reminded of what I have lost by seeing things that Lily won't be doing, but I didn't even get a chance to feel that... instead I seemed to be taken over with panic and a complete loss of mind! eek

I wish my body would hurry up and finish with the whole healing from the pregnancy thing! Then I can stop worrying and freaking out at silly but strange things... (yeah that may not make sense to anyone but me!)

Anyway so today I am thankful for...

~*~ An amazingly talented woman who painted a beautiful picture of Lily! Thank you! ~*~

And my positive thing from today...
~*~ A delicious hot chocolate with some pretty fantastic people! (Thanks Jo and Craig) ~*~