Day 8 – Support/resources/therapies
Unfortunately I am a bit useless in the sense of trying
to recommend resources and therapies… I don’t know of any that I used at the
time. Except support. We were lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people who
were there in so many different ways. Some we didn’t even know until much
later. We had people bring us dinners, but it wasn’t until days after Lily’s
funeral that I realised someone (and I found out who) had stocked our kitchen
with all the things we would need (and more) to host people in our home without
having to worry (we brought Lily home and had her in an open casket and a lot
of people came, to see her, to see us, to be together etc), and she had
delivered all this before we had even got home from the hospital. I don’t
remember ever making a cup of tea/coffee
for anyone, but I know there were many drinks drunk. Again, days after
the funeral, I realised I hadn’t done washing since coming home, yet there was
no dirty washing, because someone had done it. People didn’t ask if we wanted
their help, or if there was anything they could do (of course some people did,
and we appreciated those offers too!), but they just did it. There were a few
times we had to leave our home while Lily was there, (to get an anti-d
injection, to find something to wear to the funeral etc), but while it was hard
to leave, we also knew she continued to be surrounded by immense love and care
while we were gone, that mattered, a lot.
Then you have the funeral, how do you plan one of those?
We not only had people, gently, offer ideas but then a LOT of people step in to
execute them. 250-300 helium balloons, blown up, at the church, by friends and
family, the morning of the funeral. Afternoon tea for all the people who
attended the funeral, made by family, friends and acquaintances from our church.
A music team come to sing at the funeral! And this was all done, by people who
were also walking our grieving path with us, many of these people were family,
who had also just lost a grandchild/niece/loved one.
There are a few organisations around now that I would/do
recommend families look into when they lose a little one. The biggest one that
I can’t recommend enough is Angel Casts (or similar, depending on your area).
They come and make casts of your baby’s hands and feet, for free! They weren’t
around when we lost Lily, and we did ‘home made’ ones with playdough and
plaster of paris, these started to perish and we were lucky enough that Jen
from Angel Casts was able to use them to make casts of Lily’s hands and feet,
not as good as the done straight from the child, but I still appreciate them immensely.
We have also had a memory bear made from the same fabric
as the onesie Lily was buried in. I would absolutely recommend buying 2 of the
outfit you bury your child in (if you can), you never know when you might want
it! 6 years after we had buried her I was trying to find another outfit like we
had buried her in that had left the shop shelves a LONG time ago! Facebook is
an incredible thing, because we found it, more than one! One even in the size Lily
wore, 00000! And people so willingly gave them to us.
We have also, recently, received a heart cushion from
Huggable Hearts, that weighs the same as Lily did at birth. It’s a strange
feeling to hold something exactly her weight.
Also, photos. I know to some this may not be healing.
But I will forever treasure the photos we have of Lily. And even the ones we
have of her just before we sealed her casket, and the photos from the funeral. The
photos from when she was born, of course, are extremely special, and I knew
they would be. But the photos from the funeral etc, I didn’t even know I wanted
at the time. But that time is such a blur, I am so thankful for those photos.
To the point I wished we could have videoed the funeral. I know that’s weird, I
know that is not what is done, but I don’t remember it. I know Luke and I
carried Lily in to her funeral, but I don’t remember doing it. I remember
people getting up to talk, but I don’t remember what they said. I know we sang
songs, but I don’t remember singing them. And I had absolutely no idea how many
people had come, until I saw the photos. I have also heard people who have had
people not want to see photos of their baby that has passed, thankfully, I have
never had that. But I’m sorry, if you did say that to me, I would tell you to
either look away, or keep scrolling. But even if you take photos and never look
at them again, at least you have them if you want them. If you don’t take them,
you will never have them. I know that sounds rough, but it is the truth.
These things because huge treasures! But for some of
them, if you don’t do them now (the casts, photos etc), you can’t do them… you
don’t get the chance again.
You can see my posts from the previous day over to the right ----->
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