Capture your grief - Day 21

Day 21 – Death (How do you believe our society in this day and age handles death? How can we normalize death and grief?)

I don’t know really. I have been very open during our whole journey and have, to my face, received nothing but support, but I know other people who don’t feel they can talk about it, others don’t even know they have lost their babies, and other people who have been told their babies weren’t really babies, whether because they left us to early, or because they were ‘born sleeping’. So I don’t know how our society handles death. Perhaps it’s easier not to talk about.

I mean, what happens when someone tells you they have lost a child/baby? Or even anyone? Things get awkward right? What do you say? What should you do now? Easier just to not talk about it.

What happens when 5 years after someone you know has lost a baby and they haven’t ‘finished grieving’ as you thought they should? Perhaps you think they should have done things differently. Perhaps you think they shouldn’t still be sad. Perhaps it’s easier to not talk about it.

How about when you ask someone how many children they have and they answer, “3. 1 in heaven and 2 on earth” and you think that wasn’t the right answer, and they just made it awkward. Perhaps it’s easier not to talk about it.

Maybe you don’t understand why someone is so sad about a miscarriage. Maybe you don’t know why they are so sad when they never even “met” their baby. Perhaps it’s easier not to talk about it.

Maybe you would do things differently if it was you, you can’t understand the decisions they made. Perhaps it’s easier not to talk about it.

How do we normalise death and grief? We TALK ABOUT IT! We are open about it and we are open minded when dealing with other people going through loss and grief, sure the may not do it how you would, but they are doing what is (generally) right for them. Talk about it, listen and accept that others do it differently and be there for them anyway!

Today I was talking to some wonderful people in my life about ‘holding space’. This is when you are willing to walk by another persons side in their journey without judgement, without trying to fix them or impact the decisions they make. You just walk with them, beside them. You support them to stand when they stumble.  You are a pillar to lean on and a grip for them to hold. So when they turn around, you are there, with an open heart, offering unconditional support. You listen to understand, not just to hear.

Although it may be awkward, although it may be different to how you would do it, to ‘normalise’ death and grieving, we need to talk about it, accept it and support it. We need to "hold space" for each other.