Saturday, July 30, 2011

30 July 2011

The picture on the left is of Lily with her aunty Madz... my beautiful baby sister holding my beautiful baby... makes me realise my baby sister isn't a baby herself anymore!

So I was told it was about time I did another blog post... so here it is...

Things are going well for us. Work is good, very tiring but then what's new? Wasn't feeling flash yesterday (Friday) so had a day off and seem to be alright today. One of the joys of working with kids is picking up a lot of bugs!

We have continued to look at a headstone for Lily, well more still thinking about it, haven't been to any of the places that make them to get advice or ideas or anything... But the only day off Luke and I have together is a Sunday, and they aren't open on a Sunday, so makes it a bit difficult! 
Still have no idea what words to put on it that will express everything we want to say! I don't wan tit to say something sad, I don't want it to be about what we lost, but more about what we gained... what Lily was to us, rather than just our baby that we lost.

And I realised the other day, how weird it was to say that I lost Lily... I know what it is meant to mean, but I said it the other day and then thought, no, I didn't loose her... I have always known where she is! No she is not here with me, but that doesn't mean I lost her! I know it is just what you say, but why lost? I didn't loose her in the supermarket, or at the park, or something like that, I have always known where she is...
I'm not in denial, I do know that Lily died and is now gone from earth, it is just a strange feeling to say "I lost her"... maybe people would rather I said "I lost my baby" rather than, "My baby died.

We still have the kids with us. Still no plan for them, we got the care plans for them the other day (finally, you are meant to get them when the kids first come!) and it was full of incorrect info! They can't even get the birthdates and schools right! If they can't get the small things right it makes me worry for the rest of it!

On Wednesday we have a meeting at the hospital in regards to a letter of complaint we put in... don't really know what to expect there but I guess the chance to get our concerns across in hopes that some of the things that happened with us won't happen for another person in the same or similar position! It has nothing to do with Lily's outcome, it is more the experiences we had during the whole time we were there. I am going to have to re read the letter we sent to remind myself of the concerns... they are not something we have focused on!

My hair is still falling out... but I am not bald yet... thankfully! Tho some days it feels like I can't be far off it! 

Anyway, thats about all I have to say about that! :D