Thursday, March 31, 2011

29 March 2011

Well it has almost been 2 weeks since I gave birth to our beautiful baby girl... And while I knew it was going to be a hard journey, I am only just beginning to realise just how hard it really is!
I am extremely thankful for the love and support that I have been shown by family and friends, without this I don't know how I, how we, would have got this far, let alone get any further!

Sadly, I can say now that I know the physical pain of heartbreak... I never knew it was physical, but it really, really is! My heart broke when our Lily left us, it doesn't matter that we had had warning that she would most likely leave us after only a short time... my heart still broke and it hurts! One thing I have struggled with this last week or so is waiting for my body to recover from being pregnant and giving birth, while having no baby to show for it all and at the same time wanting to still be pregnant. We expected to still have at least 4 weeks with Lily, inside me yes, but still we would have her! We never expected her to arrive early... with my family history, we expected her to be late... and I would have carried her late without complaint if it meant she was still with us!

The last few days have been tough ones... there have been too many firsts without our baby... Its a hard realisation to keep coming to, doing things and she is no longer around. But after a week of bad days, today was a good day. Luke and I have decided to get us each a ring in memory of our lovely Lily... so we went shopping today, but just to look as neither of us were really sure what we were wanting... our only requirement is that they are able to be engraved! I expect they will jump out when we see them...

Someone suggested that I come up with a positive thing each day... so today's positive...

~*~ We went shopping without seeing anyone that doesn't know and would ask well intentioned questions that would make for an awkward situation. ~*~