So it's April... I was meant to be having a baby this month... Lily... and yet she has already come and gone! I wish there had been more time! So much more time! There was meant to be lots more kicks in the ribs, and funny movements that made me cringe a bit, even another scan... but instead its over. I should still be pregnant for another 11 days! I don't care that I can now see my toes... that I can cut my toenails, shave my legs, bend over to pick things up... I don't want to be able to do these things, I would much rather feel like a whale, not be able to lift things, not be able to pick things up off the ground, not see my toes... I would much rather wear jandals because I can't put my shoes on... if it meant that my baby girl was still with me!
You can possibly tell by the mood of my writing already that it has been a bit more of an emotional day for me today... And I don't think it is being helped by the lack of sleep! Although I think my pregnancy hormones have gone... or at least lessened! But I am beginning to realise how vital a decent sleep is for life in general, let alone trying to get through days like today!
I have got the website thing sorted (just waiting for Luke to look at and approve it...)... but in the process, while putting on photos of Lily I realised that I would never be updating them... there wouldn't be any more of her... the photos that we have, is all we will ever have of our little girl... and suddenly, although (thankfully) we have lots of photos, there seems like hardly any... not enough when you think that there will never be any more!
Today I unpacked some of the packing I had done the other day... there are clothes that I bought for Lily that I just don't know what to do with! I mean everything we bought while thinking of Lily, but there are some items that I looked at and thought only of Lily... for example theres a top that says "100% loved", an AIO that says "perfect" and another that says "I'm kinda a big deal" all of which I HAD to buy because they described Lily perfectly... what do I do with them now? All the other things have been put away for if we have another girl in the future, but these things belong purely to Lily... and yet she will never wear them...
But after all that, a lovely evening with a yummy meal making the evening even better with a lovely visit from Heidi (Luke's sister)! Thanks Heidi it was really great to talk to you!
So positive for today...
~*~ Figuring out how to get the website up and working... ~*~
Sarah. :)
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