Well today was a busy day which was nice. Started out a little 'rough'. Went in to work for the Easter bunny and Easter egg hunt... Before I left (and I was meeting some lovely ladies for a coffee/hot chocolate first so this went on for awhile!) I could feel myself kind of getting anxious... stomach churning, chest tightening, head pounding, chewing my lip... I am not sure how I actually made it out to Cambridge! Pure determination possibly, I just kept telling myself that it was ridiculous, I was being silly... I love my job and there is nothing to be anxious about... not sure how well this worked but just continuing to put one foot in front of the other appeared to work and got me through... in regards to the kids and still this feeling of "I don't know what to do with you, or for you... I don't know what you want!" all I could tell myself was "when all else fails, smile and wave" and I think that satisfied most the kids and me... I think it helps that I love my job, and normally I am good at my job (I think...?)... I just keep reminding myself that this is just a temporary panic, it will pass.... when I am ready to go back to work I will be fine... right? I really hope so! I don't understand these feelings, or why I am feeling them! They have nothing to do with Lily, they have nothing to do with the sadness about loosing her and missing out on so much... it seems like a strange reaction to be having... I don't know...
Luke and I are going to go to grief counseling like it has been suggested... maybe they can tell me I am normal (yeah right... me... normal! :D)...
So today I am thankful for...
~*~ My mum, she's such an amazing woman and a real inspiration to me! I love her tremendously! ~*~
And my positive thing for the day...
~*~ Knitting... yip... the photo above is of the booties I have knitted in the last 3 days... these are the first EVER booties I have knitted and I don't think I have done too badly! My fave is the Mary Jane type one on the left :D (sorry pic is a little blurry!) ~*~
Have a great Easter everyone! I am looking forward to lots of time with family!
Sarah :)
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