Well today was a mixed day again... I had a fantastic morning with fantastic ladies! coffee with one (ok hot chocolate with marshmallows for me) and lunch with another... Both I enjoyed very much, so thank you very much ladies!
I have realised one of the reasons why I can blog like this, honest and open, but find it hard to talk to people about how I am feeling... 2 reasons, when someone asks me how I am doing, I don't know if they really, genuinely want to know or are being polite, so I respond the with the conversation enders like "Good thanks", or "I'm doing alright, how are you?"... and the other reason is I don't want to be a burden to anyone with my problems, does that make sense, to anyone? Doesn't mean I don't want to talk about it or anything like that... but I don't want to burden anyone or dump my stuff on people who don't really wanna know... hmmm
Anyway, we saw our awesome midwife this afternoon... It was great to talk to her about stuff... stuff that happened with Lily and she was able to answer some questions and put (some of) my mind at ease... also got to see the hospital notes from everything which has been hard to read as they go right back to when we were referred to the hospital and talks a lot about the "poor prognosis"... which wasn't nice to relive, but also in a way it was good, I could see that what I remember is fairly accurate. Was also funny to read the notes about Lily's very sudden arrival... It says "Delivered by: husband/partner" "Assisted by: [hospital midwife's name]"... I said to Luke that it really should have said "Delivered by: Lily herself.." "Assisted by: her dad"... Not many babies almost deliver themselves!
The very last comment on the hospital notes made me laugh out loud as it is exactly as I remember it happening... the comment says "Baby Lily left with mum and dad while funeral director was talking with myself"... that is so what we did... not sure we were 'meant' to... the funeral director was called back to sign some papers, and we just kept on going... out of the hospital and into our car! :D
Today my positive is the things I am thankful for... and today there are a few...
~*~ I am thankful that I am surrounded by fantastic people who have shown me so much love and support! I have been surrounded by these fantastic people for awhile obviously, but am only just coming to realise just how amazing and fantastic they are... thank you! ~*~
~*~ I am thankful for amazing, knowledgeable friends who can answer my questions that I am too shy or scared to ask the people I probably should ask... ~*~
~*~ I am thankful for an amazing midwife - Ok so Lily arrived before she could even get there... but she is still amazing :) ~*~
~*~ I am thankful for having physical evidence that the medical profession have TERRIBLE handwriting! I HAVE PROOF! ~*~
~*~ I am thankful that even in extreme pain I can look at a photo of my baby girl and smile because she is an extraordinary gift that we were given, and while I wish she could have stuck around, she was perfect, just as she was :) and during the 8 months we had her, she caused us to smile and laugh A LOT! ~*~
So thank you, you amazing people!
Sarah. x
...cute poem...
An Angel in the book of life
wrote down our babies birth,
and whispered as she close the book.....
"Too beautiful for earth."
Makes sense to me Sarah, I was/am exactly the same it was easier to just say I am good/fine/ok than go well actually I'm not ok and unless other people have been through it they dont know how it feels and most people dont know what to say. I know just after we had Thomas we had some really rude people telling us that life must go on or you can always have another one. They dont realise another baby is not going to replace the one you lost. Huge hugs babe
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