This morning we went to church for the first time since Lily came and went. And in all honesty I think it was too many people too soon. People were really good, lots of love and support... but it was a bit hard, again seeing children in situations that we will never have with Lily... and there are so many children, and so many cute children! I don't resent people with children, I just look at them and think "I should have that", "I should be doing that", "I WANT THAT!".
And then I think in a sense, words have a different meaning now... when you are singing about your whole heart... all I can think of is Lily, who didn't have a whole heart.... I don't know if it makes sense to anyone but me... but at the moment, I have a different understanding of words and sayings, and some things just aren't important or meaningful at the moment... making it hard to sit through sermons and things... don't get me wrong, I don't blame God, I'm not angry with God, and I still totally trust Him to make all things work for the good... but some things are just not relevant at the moment... does that make sense? Probably not, but I know what I mean...
Anyway so after leaving church we came home and watched a lot of Glee! No better way to spend the afternoon!
Positive for the day...
~*~ Feijoas... yummy, yummy feijoas! ~*~
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